If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss