just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
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You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"