He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
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it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
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Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.