Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.