Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
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We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality