Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again