Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again