seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.