My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
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They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
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Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.