All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea