I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this