I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.