She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for