He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
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I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
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AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.