I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.