birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
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the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
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Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.