i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she looked like the before picture.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.