Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.