Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (540)

Last Night in Virginia (540)

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I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

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(540): I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here. http://tfl.nu/rnyh

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I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.

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(540): I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him. http://tfl.nu/377w

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At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.

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(540): At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke. http://tfl.nu/qku8

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I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments

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(540): I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments http://tfl.nu/peng

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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!

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(540): The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!! http://tfl.nu/g9me

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you would not believe what I got pierced last night...

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son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.

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(434): you would not believe what I got pierced last night... (540): son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear. http://tfl.nu/q4w6

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Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.

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(540): Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply. http://tfl.nu/723h

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birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex

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I'm on my period, period, period

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(540): birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex (703): I'm on my period, period, period http://tfl.nu/vsrk

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Are you pooping in the stall next to me?

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Maybe....

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Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.

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(540): Are you pooping in the stall next to me? (404): Maybe.... (540): Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts. http://tfl.nu/wph3

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Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right

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(540): Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right http://tfl.nu/yhhf

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hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.

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(540): hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends. http://tfl.nu/iv37

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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..

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What did u do?

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turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..

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(540): so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn.. (1-540): What did u do? (540): turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him.. http://tfl.nu/pi8a

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I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.

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(540): I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen. http://tfl.nu/c2d0

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Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

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(540): Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift? http://tfl.nu/ixd3

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I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.

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(540): I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it. http://tfl.nu/dv65

Replies (45) Good night (10823) Bad night (2457)

Last Night in Virginia (540)

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