Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
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I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
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Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.