Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.