even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
