my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.