i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
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You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.