i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was