The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!