I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...