I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.