I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Screwed.edu
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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