Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.