he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.