Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oklahoma (405)

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how

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  (405): there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how http://tfl.nu/0o4u
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  If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.

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  (405): If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over. http://tfl.nu/i8gt
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  I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.

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  (405): I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation. http://tfl.nu/os3u
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  I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.

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  (405): I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/m2vh
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  You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.

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  (405): You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show. http://tfl.nu/4wfw
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  Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.

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  (405): Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great. http://tfl.nu/oipw
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  Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.

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  which gay bar do you need a ride home from?

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  (405): Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you. (1-405): which gay bar do you need a ride home from? http://tfl.nu/2t13
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  A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.

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  (405): A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again. http://tfl.nu/8buk
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  so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one

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  (405): so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one http://tfl.nu/mfz0
  Replies (46) Good night (818) Bad night (4894)
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  I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome

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  (405): I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome http://tfl.nu/rn4a
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  the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick

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  please tell me you have proof of this

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  (405): the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick (972): please tell me you have proof of this http://tfl.nu/kwvu
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  why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?

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  (405): why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after? http://tfl.nu/ai6n
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  i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.

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  (405): i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy. http://tfl.nu/1yd9
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  You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!

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  (405): You can't have hate sex in a hallway!! http://tfl.nu/3bhn
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  Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.

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  (405): Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one. http://tfl.nu/zdto
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