Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
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Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.