In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.