Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
