Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oklahoma (405)

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.

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  (405): That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi. http://tfl.nu/2rin
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  So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.

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  (405): So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day. http://tfl.nu/zflp
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  I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.

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  (405): I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm. http://tfl.nu/yhbb
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  i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.

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  (405): i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college. http://tfl.nu/j0w5
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  It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.

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  (405): It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother. http://tfl.nu/gdyr
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  I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!

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  (405): I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh! http://tfl.nu/nhcn
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  There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.

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  (405): There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS. http://tfl.nu/dubs
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  do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?

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  or abortion recommendation cards.

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  (405): do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards? (405): or abortion recommendation cards. http://tfl.nu/knt8
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  Just so you know, I have a bf.

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  I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.

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  (847): Just so you know, I have a bf. (405): I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful. http://tfl.nu/esk6
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  there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how

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  (405): there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how http://tfl.nu/0o4u
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  If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.

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  (405): If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over. http://tfl.nu/i8gt
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  I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.

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  (405): I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation. http://tfl.nu/os3u
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  I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.

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  (405): I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/m2vh
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  You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.

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  (405): You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show. http://tfl.nu/4wfw
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  Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.

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  (405): Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great. http://tfl.nu/oipw
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