Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His hands were made for my vagina.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.