Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.