Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
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I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.