Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.