She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home