There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.