Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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