It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
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margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
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BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.