We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.