I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
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Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.