Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.