How did I end up in the pool?!
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its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
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you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.