i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.