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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she pinky promised me she was 18
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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