My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.