... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial