There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
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I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.