I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.