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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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