Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile