Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.