Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
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3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.