So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here