I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.