After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.