Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.