He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
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I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?