I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.