definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.