he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.