The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
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Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit