You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My room smells like vodka and shame
The maid of honor just puked.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.