Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista