I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
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I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?