My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend