She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute