Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
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When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.