I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.