I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?