Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
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Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
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We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...