I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.