I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
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Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet