I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet