I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.