Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Wyoming (307)

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  Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.

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  (307): Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor. http://tfl.nu/j4rc
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  Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday

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  (307): Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday http://tfl.nu/9dt4
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  Did I show you my penis last night?

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  (307): Did I show you my penis last night? http://tfl.nu/i066
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  I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.

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  (307): I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen. http://tfl.nu/qqp8
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  He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.

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  (307): He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him. http://tfl.nu/54ly
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  I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.

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  (307): I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American. http://tfl.nu/4si2
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  The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story

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  The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.

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  (307): The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story (307): The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant. http://tfl.nu/nooi
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  you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?

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  (307): you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right? http://tfl.nu/h1i3
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  first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.

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  (307): first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester. http://tfl.nu/skng
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  When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!

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  (307): When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"! http://tfl.nu/t4t6
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  you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood

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  (307): you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood http://tfl.nu/ts9e
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  So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"

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  (307): So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that" http://tfl.nu/5p37
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  i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer

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  (307): i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer http://tfl.nu/m2mn
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  Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.

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  (307): Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/btf1
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  I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.

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  (307): I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that. http://tfl.nu/zno7
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