i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
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I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.