did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
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i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
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Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail